Frustration on a Personal Level

I have been struggling recently. I absolutely love my kid. How could I not? I birthed him (the easy way... so!?) I stayed up with him all those nights, still do sometimes. A mothers love. But, lately, I dont like myself, or my kid. I know, *gasp*, "how dare you not like your kid?". Well lets see, I run interference with teachers, and school staff, I make sure kiddo his clothed and fed, in bed at 8:30, up for school by 6:30, backpack together with everything in it, signed, lunchbox filled. Clothes laid out, and dressed, tablet charged, breakfast on the table, to school on time with homework and reading done. On the weekends, hes an only child, and there arent any kids on our street, so its, "entertain me!!". Every five minutes, "Turn the tv on, change it to wii, i want to watch xxx show, I need batteries for this toy or that, Mom Im hungry, Mom did you know that this rock is shiny? Mom watch this (as he jumps a curb on his scooter for the 40th time), Can we take the dogs for a walk?" and then theres all the real noise..."NO I DONT WANT TO!, I'm hungry!!(you just ate 20 minutes ago) I DONT WANT THAT TO EAT!, You never do anything nice for me!!, YOUR RUDE!!! YOUR MEAN!!! I DONT WANNA GO TO THE STORE!!! IS THIS BLACK FRIDAY?!?! YOUR GOING TO TOO MANY STORES!!!


One such episode really set me off this weekend. We had our weekly shopping and running around we needed to do. Kiddo hates going to the store. So we stopped and ate lunch first. At 5 Guys. After that kiddo tells me he wants Orange Leaf... Please can he go there he hasnt been in a long time. So I figure ok, Ill take him. Got him a reasonable amount of Froyo, and a few toppings. It ended up being less than 4 bucks. Not bad. And he ate it all. So successful, and yaay i did something nice for kiddo, right?! UGH! I told him ok, now please let Mom and Dad do what we need to get done so we can go home. So, he asks how many stores we had to go to? "Sams Club, Walmart, and Petsmart". Then home. OK.


Get into SAMS and we are walking around looking at stuff, and kiddo is pushing the cart. He starts pushing his Dads buttons by pushing the cart and letting go of it and letting it roll down the isle. Dad tells him, "Kiddo, push the cart and don't let go of it". Kiddo makes a face at his Dad and then does it again. Dad asks nicely again, "Kiddo don't let go of the cart, push it." Kiddo rolls his eyes at his Dad and does it again. At this point Dad takes the cart, well tries to anyway and Kiddo is struggling and yelling NO at his Dad in the isle at SAMS, "NO Im pushing the cart!!! NO!!!" Dad gets the cart from him, and kiddo bursts into tears, rubbing his eyes 2 year old style.... So I take him to the car. And all the way hes saying, "DADDY IS MEAN TO ME!! HE IS RUDE!!" I told him no he was the rude one because he wasnt listening. And this child thought he did NOTHING WRONG. He refuses to say ok, yea I screwed up there. No its all Dads fault.


At this point I feel its a constant struggle. He doesnt want to take any responsibility when he does something wrong. He just wants to find blame elsewhere. It doesnt matter what it is, its NEVER his fault. Its always someone elses fault. Even something as simple as him knocking a drink over. If the dog was near, the dog did it, not him. Otherwise if the dog is not near, it was my fault.


I guess I am at my wits end, I want to do nice things for him, but everyone keeps saying I spoil him and that is what is wrong with him. I have heard I need to spank him more, take his privileges away more, and spank him more. *sigh*. And I guess Im sick of hearing that.I feel like we have tried all of the different "punishments" and spanking worked the least. He laughed at us... seriously!!"


Im worried that I am raising this child who has no empathy, no regard for anyone else. We pray at night for family and friends. I try to teach him about those in need, and those who are sick or less fortunate. He only cares about Number 1. I feel like a failure, seriously. I feel like I have failed that adorable little boy I gave birth to 8 years ago. I wish I knew how to fix this. Everyone has their own theories. I wish I was confident in any one way that would make things better. Its like he is a teen at 8. I cant even imagine what teenage years are going to be like.


Ok enough with the pity party... back to real life.