A Target

Last year we kept telling kiddo not to get upset in school to stop crying if at all possible and try to find another way to deal with how other kids were treating him. That if he didnt stop he was going to become a target.

He never did get a handle on that. But in the beginning of the year things seemed to be ok. He had a few instances that no one really made a big deal over, and then he seemed to be able to handle things without crying, or at least finding a way to do it when no one was paying any attention.

Still, I was worried. We have had many verbal incidents.

There is one kid who was in his class at his elementary class that they did not get along at all. He is in one of his classes in middle and he flat out said to kiddo, "You know no one likes you, right?! No one likes you." Kiddos teacher immediately said that's not true! I like him! and a few other kids took up for him.

Several boys have called him a bitch in gym. And another kid told him he was "Fucking ugly".

Yesterday as he was going to his 8th period class 3 8th grade boys walked up to him in the 6th grade hallway and one of them punched him in the chest with his thumb or other object out and poked him hard in his chest. He said it hurt pretty bad. The other boys laughed at him. When he told me this my heart sank. This is the first time someone actually walked up and physically touched him, and we arent even halfway through the year. The school is so big to say they don't tolerate bullying and yet here is some kid putting his hands on my kid. It was very hard for me NOT to go off. And keep my anger inside and try to handle the situation like an adult. Kiddo did not know these kids. Never seen them before.

Husband emailed the Vice Principal and asked if they have video footage, and if they can figure out and discipline. First of all what are 8th grade boys doing in the 6th grade hallway? When they did orientation with us they told us they had 6th graders isolated in that one wing for the most part so they didn't have to worry about getting too mixed up with the older kids. I see that doesn't stop the older boys from coming over and looking for trouble. I have also heard horror stories on the neighborhood app of the administration not really doing anything about bullying at this particular school. We will see if we get any response.

I know everyone gets picked on sometime in their life, I understand that its a part of growing up and learning. We do try to explain to kiddo that while its not right, it does happen and we have to learn to rise above it.

I am still very angry this morning about this. Very impatiently waiting to see if we get any response. Kiddo respects himself and others enough not to behave that way. I don't understand why other kids aren't taught the same thing.

Maybe its time to think about Karate again. =\

... So Middle school ....

What the hell happened? My kid grew up!? 6th grade! Middle school!?! talk about a rude awakening for me! I am pretty sure he was 2 like 30 minutes ago!?

The good? He enjoys the act of switching classes and having different teachers. He is fond of his art teacher, and also his science teacher who he says is a cool guy!

There is a ton of mountain to get over though. The homework is tough. Even in its amended form it takes him a long time to complete it. And we are not allowed to skip it when he is having a rough day, nor on a day when he has speech. In elementary school the teachers were cool about that. Middle school not so much. We have told them it takes 3+ hours sometimes to complete the work and were told well, he can complete it in advisory or in after school before you pick him up but it must be done.😬 So they tried having him do it in Advisory, that happened for 2 days, and now hes back to bringing it home again.

We explained that we are not "teachers". He comes home with the work and says he doesnt remember learning it in class. We try our best to re-teach but a lot of times we tell him stuff and he looks more confused than before we started.

This year before school started I gave out the whole packet about kiddo and about ACC. Explaining the things he is good at, and the things he struggles with. We explained that he goes to school with ADHD medication and that when he gets home that is all gone. So lots of times its a struggle just to get him to look at the homework. His social studies teacher told me that he would not have any social studies homework because his department decided as a group that they would not give it! woo! YES! Thank you Mr Social Studies! You are the man!

The Math homework is definitely amended. but its still a lot. Since they are working on, multiplying and dividing decimals and fractions, rational numbers, whole numbers, and integers. plotting on graphs, and a whole bunch of other concepts that I am pretty sure he didn't get in elementary. The other thing is that in elementary they handed him a calculator and taught him how to get the answer using it. This year the teachers want him to use the calculator but also show his work... which he didn't learn the basics for. So the struggle there is real.

English Language Arts.... 👀. They are given 18 spelling words and 2 bonus words on Tuesday and a packet of homework. They have to be ready to test on Friday. In the packet there is a list of different activities using said spelling words that you must pick from. Each activity is worth points. The more difficult the activity the more points its worth. I'm thinking the points get added up at the end of the week and it goes toward the homework grade. The easier tasks are like writing your spelling words down and underlining the consonants in one color and the vowels in another color. Or, Writing your spelling words in alphabetical order. The harder ones are like, draw a picture that represents each of your spelling words. Or cut out the letters of your spelling words from a newspaper or magazine and glue them to paper. The list goes on. Past that in the packet there are paragraphs to read and answer for comprehension and sentences to re-write for proper grammar. All of this un-medicated...and Momma needs WINE!

So that's a run down of what we have gotten so far. We did a first 6 weeks science project which was actually kind of fun. We had to use Excel to graph out some data that the teacher specified and make it look nice. Wow factor kinda thing. We decided to add some stingrays for presentation since thats the school mascot. It was fun!

All of that to say, homework keeps us super busy! 

On to my current freak out (of course you knew there was one right???)

Kiddo came home with a study sheet for social studies class that said they would have a test. And to use the sheet to study from. We talked through it and then I verbally asked questions which he seemed to have a great understanding of. And he said he felt good about the test going in. So low and behold a few days later I check the grade book and he got a 46. 😭 That's an F my friends a big fat f*cking F. I saw that and I asked him how the test was given? was it write out the answers? or multiple choice? or what? he said multiple choice (ABCD.... his description). 

Hello to my downward spiral into despair... I failed him. How should I have done it? Created a multiple choice test for him to try and answer the questions to see how he did??? Should I test him both ways? verbally and ABCD. Whatever I should have done, I didn't do. In Elementary the teachers would never have put an F on the grade book, they would have retaught and retested a different way. They may have actually verbally tested him because they knew that sometimes he answers better verbally. I guess middle school didn't pick up on that part of the information I sent them. This isnt the first F on the grade book this year. The teachers here are not invested in if the kids do a good job, or if they have an issue. Its just test and grade and what you get is what you get. And he understands that a 46 is bad. He told me with his head down on the table, "oh God Mom! a 46 is bad, I tried my best on that, I thought I did good." What am I supposed to say?! Do I email the teacher again? and start to question? I feel like I have been a pest this year.

We had an IEE (Independent Education Evaluation) done through the school since they are not taking our Neuro-Psychologists "word for it".  We wont have the results on that until November 15th. And well half the year is done again and I feel helpless to help him.

At this point I am not sure they have a grasp on the accommodations laid out in the IEP. And I still after all this time feel like there is some piece of the puzzle we are missing with him that if we could just get that addressed things would fall into place. I had a psychologist yell at me one time that his Corpus Callosum was the missing piece, and that I should stop trying to look for anything else. His processing problems are due to his missing CC. Ok but how can I get teachers to understand that?! Are we doomed to endure mediocre grades and just a lack of understanding on the work in general? is he to just muddle through 6 more years of school??? When he can be so much more? He is so smart!! he is so funny. And he takes my breath away every once in a while when he says something to me off the cuff and its just poignant for the time he said it. He is so much more perceptive than people realize. He catches things that are going on around him. He hears conversations and chimes in when he feels like he has something to contribute. And when he can get out what he wants to say its magical. But I cannot show the school or teachers what he is missing. And I am at a loss as to how to help him. I really want to help him. *Frustrated*

Parent Teacher Conference

So we had the parent teacher conference. It went better than I expected.

I had a conversation with a girlfriend who has been a teacher for many years. And she helped me understand how to go about the conference. I was of course angry, and wanted to go in as such. She said no, it needed to be about the IEP. How can the IEP help you? What does it say in the IEP that pertains to what we are going through.

So, I went at it from that route.

The positives. Kiddo is reading on grade level right now.... HOLY SHIT THAT IS AMAZING! (Excuse my language but I wanted to skip around the classroom!). He is also writing creatively and doing quite well though his handwriting leaves a lot to be desired, which the school says they wont do anything about. I told them I can only handle 1 therapy at a time. and right now his Neuropsych feels that Speech therapy is what he needs the most. So we do what we can in the other areas.

They encouraged me to get some of the Y pencils to help with his writing. So I did that, its something I can do.

The negatives.
- Kiddo hates math with a passion. We already knew this. We will all work on it as we can. Dad told them that in real life situations he even breaks down when hes faced with doing a math task. Such as buying something he wants and working with the money needed to buy it. Multiple times we have tried to get him to just try, and he loses it.
- Homework takes an excessively long time. But we want to help them get a grade. They say they don't grade homework, they check it but it does not go into the grade book so do what we can and don't worry too much about it.
- Kiddo is regularly misunderstanding what others are trying to do. Case in point the issue with the teacher saying something and then the kid "mocking" him back. The teacher stated that this is what really happened."Kiddo got upset about math and put his head on the table, teacher asked, 'Kiddo what is wrong?!' Other student says, 'Oh teacher, hes ok he did this last year too.' as if to help the teacher understand that this was something he needed to do to calm down, and not to worry. This same child was in Kiddos class and was familiar with him. The teachers were quick to tell me that this child was very sweet just like Kiddo and they couldn't imagine that he was picking on Kiddo but more trying to be helpful. As my Momma always told me, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
- Husband told them that "Refuse" is a trigger word for us. That you would not say that a person bound to a wheel chair refused to get up and run the mile. So you cannot say that Kiddo refused to do something that he cannot do. He needs more time things process slower. That we realize that its frustrating. We deal with it at home on the constant. and so we really do understand how frustrating it can be, as they spend more time with him than we do. But still "Refuse" is a harsh word and we dislike it. BMC Teacher said she understood. She said its an easy word to use and probably shouldnt be but its the go to.

We asked that he not be held in from recess. I can tell the difference when he does and does not get recess. They agreed. And Kiddo has been staying in 2 days a week to play Legos with another friend. I am ok with that. As long as it is his choice to do so.

I talked to Kiddo and said look buddy you have to find a way to not be so emotional in class. Hiding under the desk and crying is no longer socially acceptable in 5th grade. I said maybe you need to raise your hand and ask to go to BMC if you are feeling like you are going to cry. So he was going to work on that.
My biggest concern is breaking these habits before they follow him into middle school, where kids are so cruel.

That was it. He is reading on grade level! 😄 Its something. and I will take it!

Worrisome

I didnt sleep well last night. I think its my concern for my kiddo.

He has had a mild headache and his stomach has been off all weekend. All side effects of the up in dose we gave him. :( We are going to have to step him back down and take him to his Neurologist. I know he has a lot of anxiety in the classroom. He does not feel comfortable this year like he did last year.

I may need to look into our options since, there is only one inclusion classroom per grade, I may have to take him to a different school. I don't want to do this. His school has been a wonderful place since Kinder. We have had ups and downs but we have always come out ok. This year, Im not so certain. Husband asked for a Parent Teacher conference ASAP. I have many questions. Its going to be very difficult for me to keep my composure.

Now my stomach hurts.

What the...???

So Kiddo had a great week! All the behavioral folder said all week was "Great job!" And "Kiddo had a great day!!" and "Good day!"

Today and yesterday it said nothing! and there were a few tally marks on the secondary sheet. But still I thought all was good. But Kiddo comes out of the school when I pick him up with this dejected look on his face.

"What is wrong?!", I ask.
"Other kid in my after school program called me 'a brat'!" He says.
"Are you a brat?!"
"NO!"
"Then dont worry about it! Did you tell the teacher?"
"yes"

He is still frowning.

"What is wrong? Its Friday! time to go to good friends house!!" I say.
"I kinda had a bad day in my regular class too!!" He says. "The teacher would not allow me to go outside for our special 45 minute recess. And when all the other kids got to eat in the classroom which is also special, I had to go eat in the cafeteria!" 😠
"Kiddo you are not in trouble, lets go get your bike and you go for a ride to your friends house and we can talk about all of this later! Go have fun!"

He has been riding his bike to school. And I thought he was having super good days. Well today apparently was not. Though there was no note to explain why it was not.

He tells me in the kitchen tonight that he was working on his classwork and Special Ed teacher made a comment about how, "HE DOES THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY!" in front of the class. Even though he was doing his best and working on the assignment. When she said that an other child in class parroted her. "HE DOES THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY!" and laughed at him. I asked him how much of the work he did. He said that it was a front and back worksheet and he had done one side and had started the other. He did not indicate how far he got on the second side.

Im upset. I dont even know what happened totally and I am upset. This is the second time that the teachers have been unprofessional and made comments about my son in front of him. This is not an environment that is going to build him up or make him feel more self confident. And yet I am stuck. This is the only inclusion class in the grade. If I am going to get him out of that class I have to move schools.

If he really did get one whole side done, that's great stuff! I would be super happy with that. But since they didn't indicate anything on the behavioral folder I don't know.

But in his IEP it states that he should not be held back from Recess. He NEEDS the recess to help clear his mind and get rid of all the excess energy that they cant deal with.

At this point I feel that they are un-moving. He had a great week and whatever set them off today they could not see past whatever that was, that the rest of the week was great and let him go out for the special recess. #UNHAPPY

September 5th through 8th

Monday: Holiday

Tuesday: Kiddo refused to cooperate during math. Teacher asked him to come to her desk to work and he said no and put his head on the desk.

Finally went to work a little with main teacher. Needed many prompts to stay focused
During PE A student in his group told him to do the activity and Kiddo got upset and sat out. BMC teacher went to talk to him he said he was ok. Will try again on Thursday


Wednesday BLANK

Thursday: Kiddo shut down during math. When working in small group he put his head down on the desk and would not participate. When it was time for recess he jumped up to go outside. I asked him to complete 3 problems one on one and he went back to his desk and put his head down. He chose not to go outside to recess. Did not work the rest of the day. He said he didn't want to.

Friday: Great Day!



2nd week of school. Usually 1 week in hes got the groove back. This year not so much. Hoping for a better week this coming week.

Thursday, what to say about Thursday. I got him a re-vibe...https://shop.fokuslabs.com/. He said it did help him. How much I am not sure. We also upped his medication from 36 to 54. Hoping that makes the difference for him, though I'm not certain if that's the thing to do every time this happens. I am at my wits end though. Its not all his fault. Some people don't seem to be able to comprehend the issue. Its not that he doesn't want to do the work at the pace set by the teacher. Its that he CAN'T do the work at the pace set by the teacher.

I also figured out his schedule, his day looks like this in minutes:

Math - 90 minutes
Recess - 20 minutes
Writing - 15 minutes
Science - 45 minutes
Reading - 40 minutes
Lunch - 35 minutes
Read Aloud - 15 minutes
Elective - 45 minutes
Language Arts/Social Studies - 55 minutes
SSR - 10 minutes
Packup - 5 minutes

So lets see, 90 minutes in math first thing... followed by 20 minutes of recess. Of which the teacher does not want to allow kiddo to have if he doesn't work for the 90 minutes of Math. Well, the bad news is that his IEP  states that he NEEDS that recess to function. And so Recess in this case is not a reward. Personally I don't think it should be a reward for any child. It should be treated like every other subject. As even in 5th grade they are STILL children. And they need that outlet.

I also heard a story that when recess was missed on Thursday, while all the other kids were outside that kiddos desk was wobbly and he was "wobbling it" and the teacher got very frustrated with him when he wobbled said desk... And shouted at him to stop, and then told someone else on her phone that, "He is so ridiculous" (he said he heard her say this.) Maybe he misunderstood. I don't know. But I was fuming. He also said that when he had his head on the desk teacher walked by several times during class while other kids were in the class and say very loudly that she "DIDN'T CARE!!!"

I believe that it can be very frustrating to be a teacher. And special education would have to be especially trying. It would take a saint to put up with that many kids with that many different issues at the same time and find a resolution for everyone and keep the room humming like a machine. That being said, that type of body language and language in general is easily read by any kid, not just mine. It brings down their confidence and makes them want to try less. That's all I can say about that. I requested the desk be fixed, I hope that will be the end of the wobbly desk. And the negative vibes in the room. I hope.

I Desparately Want to Help Him but I Dont Know How

Another day, and a call from the teachers. Kiddo refuses to do his work in math. Puts his head on the desk, wont participate in group learning... But when Recess time comes up he jumps up and is ready to go.

Welcome to my world! I have the same problem with him and homework at night. and yet I deal with that un-medicated. I keep praying that something I am saying every night will seep in. At night he is like a slug. Oozing in and out of his chair. Moaning. Trying to change the subject... "When is dinner?" "Im Hungry!" Sorry kiddo, but dinner wont be ready until we can get through this homework so we can cook it. and on and on. Hubby and I take turns tag teaming this crap. When I am at my limit he steps in and back and forth it goes.

The thing is, as much as I remember doing homework when I was a kid, no one ever had to hold my hand and guide me through it. NO ONE. I knew what I had to do. and if I needed help I could ask. But I knew what was expected of me and I did it.

Kiddo doesn't have that kind of mindful awareness. Its not something you can teach. Believe me, I have tried. We have tried white boards to check off tasks. We have tried giving him 2 step instructions and giving him some space to get it done. Standing on his head was never one of the instructions and yet there he is... O.o. So its sit and guide through every step... every problem, every spelling word. These days he seethes attitude. He wants none of any of it. And its only going to get worse. His anxiety is over the top too. Its almost like he dreads everything before I utter the first word. And then out comes the whining slug.

So I can't figure out if its him being unreasonable. Or if there is genuinely a problem, a blockage if you will. Why is he doing all of this? People who don't know would say he is just lazy. Fine, maybe. But I'm worried its something more. Is he afraid to fail? Is it something else? Anxiety driven? All I know is that he completely shuts down in class. He wont pay attention he wont look at the work he just shuts down.

I am at a loss. Frustrated for him, frustrated for us, frustrated for them. I want to fix it and I dont know how. I want to help him and I don't know how.