I Desparately Want to Help Him but I Dont Know How

Another day, and a call from the teachers. Kiddo refuses to do his work in math. Puts his head on the desk, wont participate in group learning... But when Recess time comes up he jumps up and is ready to go.

Welcome to my world! I have the same problem with him and homework at night. and yet I deal with that un-medicated. I keep praying that something I am saying every night will seep in. At night he is like a slug. Oozing in and out of his chair. Moaning. Trying to change the subject... "When is dinner?" "Im Hungry!" Sorry kiddo, but dinner wont be ready until we can get through this homework so we can cook it. and on and on. Hubby and I take turns tag teaming this crap. When I am at my limit he steps in and back and forth it goes.

The thing is, as much as I remember doing homework when I was a kid, no one ever had to hold my hand and guide me through it. NO ONE. I knew what I had to do. and if I needed help I could ask. But I knew what was expected of me and I did it.

Kiddo doesn't have that kind of mindful awareness. Its not something you can teach. Believe me, I have tried. We have tried white boards to check off tasks. We have tried giving him 2 step instructions and giving him some space to get it done. Standing on his head was never one of the instructions and yet there he is... O.o. So its sit and guide through every step... every problem, every spelling word. These days he seethes attitude. He wants none of any of it. And its only going to get worse. His anxiety is over the top too. Its almost like he dreads everything before I utter the first word. And then out comes the whining slug.

So I can't figure out if its him being unreasonable. Or if there is genuinely a problem, a blockage if you will. Why is he doing all of this? People who don't know would say he is just lazy. Fine, maybe. But I'm worried its something more. Is he afraid to fail? Is it something else? Anxiety driven? All I know is that he completely shuts down in class. He wont pay attention he wont look at the work he just shuts down.

I am at a loss. Frustrated for him, frustrated for us, frustrated for them. I want to fix it and I dont know how. I want to help him and I don't know how.