First Week of School.... The word Refusal

Here we go, New school year. I had forgotten about blogging honestly. By the second half of last year I was dragging my @ss just to make it to the end of the year and slip blissfully into summer. I had all these aspirations for having kiddo read and learn over the summer. Yea all of that slipped out the window going 70 miles per hour.... In the end I felt it was more important to let him decompress. Was that a mistake? I ask myself that every year... the answer is 'YEA probably'.

So Monday the 28th rolls around and here we go back to school. I reminded kiddo of being polite to teachers. Using his listening ears and to try. Just try the work. He doesn't have to get it right, just give it a try. These are my rules. He knows this. Here is the feedback for the week. from his teachers, and his behavioral management teacher.

Monday: Kiddo had a great day!
YAAY! Great job kiddo! 

Tuesday: With prompting Kiddo was able to turn his attitude around (In the afternoon his teachers explained that they asked him to put his ruler away and he continuously  questioned them as to why he had to. He did much better after redirection).
At this point we have a conversation with Kiddo at night. Not cool Kiddo, you know you have to focus on the materials. Please dont play with your ruler in class. its for you to do your work, its not a toy.

Wednesday: Kiddo had a difficult time following teachers directions. He sat and refused to do his work in Math and writing. Much better the rest of the day.

There it is... the WORD... We can talk more about this later.

Thursday: Kiddo is having difficulty starting out his day with math which is not unusual for him. BMC Teacher came to observe him and he is having a lot of trouble staying on task. He doesn’t seem to want to listen to the lesson. Both teachers in the classroom are trying to help but he will not respond to them or even look at his book/board/visuals/examples. Its too soon to be shutting it out. Please talk to him. Let us know if you have any different ideas for us.

Kiddo did an awesome job in free writing today.

Was questioning the coach at PE about the activity they were doing . Would not participate.

Texts from BMC Teacher that accompanied this entry in his behavior log: Text 1:Kiddo is zoning out already during math. Completely disregarding the lesson. Hes not asking for help and when they try to help he either asks to use the restroom or rolls his eyes. I've been in here observing him this morning. Can you please talk to him to remind him that he needs to try and that we all want and are here to help. He already has a misconception of Lead Teacher “being mean” Shes really is trying. We will keep on top of it. Its not that bad but I don’t want it to get worse. Thanks for your continued support.

Text 2: Hes showing a little opposition too. For Instance when Lead Teacher told him to look at his book during an example he looked up at the ceiling instead lol… I know its not funny but he is showing signs of being preteen!

Total Brat move by my kid, yes. And he knows it. The kicker was when he sat in my kitchen and told me "lead teacher" was EVIL... my jaw hit the floor. We had a come to Jesus that night.

Friday: Kiddo had a good day. Worked well with partner in science.

Thank goodness... strong finish (I guess?)

Today starts the second week of school, what will happen? Only time will tell. But let me touch on a few things above.

First I will start by saying that I only put this out here with no teachers names included because I know they are doing the best they can under the circumstances. 20 something kids, and its the 1 inclusion class there is for that grade so that means any kid whos has special needs is going to be in that class with 2 teachers, one being a General Ed teacher and the other being a Special Education coordinator. Its got to be a tough job. And I admire every teacher out there. Once upon a time I wanted to be a teacher. And then I had a kid and realized that I cant even help him with his homework. I doubt i would be a great teacher lol. I also dont include my kids name for obvious reasons. If you know me, then you know who Kiddo is. 😀

Refusal

 To refuse is to indicate or show that one is not willing to do something. 

We have been receiving this word home in the behavior folder for a long long time. On any given day it could be about any different subject. Lots of times it looked more like:

"Kiddo put his head on the desk and refused to do his work, he threw the paper on the floor"

"Kiddo refused to do his work and played with his pencil."

But most times it was put his head on the desk. It always came back to when they gave him time to calm down he would usually get back to work. Last week they were going over place value. Basic concept for 5th graders, right? Except he had problems with it in 4th grade, and 3rd grade, and 2nd grade.... And the numbers keep getting bigger. In second grade I went out and purchased him a place value guide from Lakeshore learning. It was labeled to help him learn place value. I got 2 of them, sent one to school and 1 to keep at home. I sent it on a Monday with him and Monday night it was sent home with no note. I sent it back again the next day thinking Kiddo had forgotten to put it at his desk. Again it came back Tuesday. So I went to ask the teacher about why it wasn't staying at school. I was told that he could not use it because it was not a tool that he would be allowed to use for STAAR testing. She had given him a blank piece of paper that had the columns for place value and he would have to use that as his aid because that was all that was allowed for STAAR.... 😡

So, thanks STAAR testing. here we are 3 years later and kiddo still doesn't understand place value. And its not for not trying. We have tried at home, Dad and I. He has been through 3 classrooms full of teachers and he still doesn't understand the concept of place value. Talking to other ACC parents of adult children.. he may never truly grasp the concept. 

Well, guess what work he "refused" to do on Wednesday. Place value. Is it refusal when you don't understand it? Is it refusal if you have 20 something other students around you and you are embarrassed to speak up or be the one singled out because you don't understand something considered so basic? And the thing is he is starting to realize all of this. He told me this last year. He could see the other students finishing their papers quickly while he struggled to keep focus on material he didn't always understand. He didn't say it all that eloquently, but that is what he was getting at. He would get frustrated when he was held behind during recess to try to grasp something he couldn't get in class. Sometimes it was because he acted out, and sometimes its because that was the only time available to try and help him understand the material. 

Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum is like a 2 lane back road where normal people like you and I have an information super highway. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it takes Kiddo time to process things that I do lickety split. So if I his Mom, have a hard time keeping that perspective... I could understand why it would go straight over a teachers head.

While I do not like his behavior, I have to take into account that he is not able to process the learning material the same way I would or anyone else would. Homework in our house is an ordeal. 3 math problems = 3 hours. Most of which is trying to focus on material that he doesn't understand. And his ADHD meds are worn off. They get the best part of the day, with him. And somehow I am supposed to magically pour this stuff in at night. Its not their fault, its not his fault. Is it my fault? Maybe yes that's it. The ACC is the problem, the ADHD is the problem. and both of those happened on my "watch". And I am a pro at putting the blame on me for all of this. I want him to do well, I want him to have a happy life. 

So is Refusal the right word? I just feel it isn't. I have grown to HATE that word. Because if all of this came easy to him I doubt he would be refusing. He doesn't refuse Science, why? Because he is good at it. And it interests him. And he doesn't feel overwhelmed with the material. Here is a science experiment. Take a funnel and pour milk into the funnel into a jar. pour it too fast into the funnel and see what happens. The Milk will spill over the sides of the funnel and make a mess everywhere. The funnel is not refusing to put the milk into the jar. it literally cannot. Figure out a way to get ALL of the milk into the jar.... 

Have a great day!