Parent Teacher Conference

So we had the parent teacher conference. It went better than I expected.

I had a conversation with a girlfriend who has been a teacher for many years. And she helped me understand how to go about the conference. I was of course angry, and wanted to go in as such. She said no, it needed to be about the IEP. How can the IEP help you? What does it say in the IEP that pertains to what we are going through.

So, I went at it from that route.

The positives. Kiddo is reading on grade level right now.... HOLY SHIT THAT IS AMAZING! (Excuse my language but I wanted to skip around the classroom!). He is also writing creatively and doing quite well though his handwriting leaves a lot to be desired, which the school says they wont do anything about. I told them I can only handle 1 therapy at a time. and right now his Neuropsych feels that Speech therapy is what he needs the most. So we do what we can in the other areas.

They encouraged me to get some of the Y pencils to help with his writing. So I did that, its something I can do.

The negatives.
- Kiddo hates math with a passion. We already knew this. We will all work on it as we can. Dad told them that in real life situations he even breaks down when hes faced with doing a math task. Such as buying something he wants and working with the money needed to buy it. Multiple times we have tried to get him to just try, and he loses it.
- Homework takes an excessively long time. But we want to help them get a grade. They say they don't grade homework, they check it but it does not go into the grade book so do what we can and don't worry too much about it.
- Kiddo is regularly misunderstanding what others are trying to do. Case in point the issue with the teacher saying something and then the kid "mocking" him back. The teacher stated that this is what really happened."Kiddo got upset about math and put his head on the table, teacher asked, 'Kiddo what is wrong?!' Other student says, 'Oh teacher, hes ok he did this last year too.' as if to help the teacher understand that this was something he needed to do to calm down, and not to worry. This same child was in Kiddos class and was familiar with him. The teachers were quick to tell me that this child was very sweet just like Kiddo and they couldn't imagine that he was picking on Kiddo but more trying to be helpful. As my Momma always told me, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
- Husband told them that "Refuse" is a trigger word for us. That you would not say that a person bound to a wheel chair refused to get up and run the mile. So you cannot say that Kiddo refused to do something that he cannot do. He needs more time things process slower. That we realize that its frustrating. We deal with it at home on the constant. and so we really do understand how frustrating it can be, as they spend more time with him than we do. But still "Refuse" is a harsh word and we dislike it. BMC Teacher said she understood. She said its an easy word to use and probably shouldnt be but its the go to.

We asked that he not be held in from recess. I can tell the difference when he does and does not get recess. They agreed. And Kiddo has been staying in 2 days a week to play Legos with another friend. I am ok with that. As long as it is his choice to do so.

I talked to Kiddo and said look buddy you have to find a way to not be so emotional in class. Hiding under the desk and crying is no longer socially acceptable in 5th grade. I said maybe you need to raise your hand and ask to go to BMC if you are feeling like you are going to cry. So he was going to work on that.
My biggest concern is breaking these habits before they follow him into middle school, where kids are so cruel.

That was it. He is reading on grade level! 😄 Its something. and I will take it!

Worrisome

I didnt sleep well last night. I think its my concern for my kiddo.

He has had a mild headache and his stomach has been off all weekend. All side effects of the up in dose we gave him. :( We are going to have to step him back down and take him to his Neurologist. I know he has a lot of anxiety in the classroom. He does not feel comfortable this year like he did last year.

I may need to look into our options since, there is only one inclusion classroom per grade, I may have to take him to a different school. I don't want to do this. His school has been a wonderful place since Kinder. We have had ups and downs but we have always come out ok. This year, Im not so certain. Husband asked for a Parent Teacher conference ASAP. I have many questions. Its going to be very difficult for me to keep my composure.

Now my stomach hurts.

What the...???

So Kiddo had a great week! All the behavioral folder said all week was "Great job!" And "Kiddo had a great day!!" and "Good day!"

Today and yesterday it said nothing! and there were a few tally marks on the secondary sheet. But still I thought all was good. But Kiddo comes out of the school when I pick him up with this dejected look on his face.

"What is wrong?!", I ask.
"Other kid in my after school program called me 'a brat'!" He says.
"Are you a brat?!"
"NO!"
"Then dont worry about it! Did you tell the teacher?"
"yes"

He is still frowning.

"What is wrong? Its Friday! time to go to good friends house!!" I say.
"I kinda had a bad day in my regular class too!!" He says. "The teacher would not allow me to go outside for our special 45 minute recess. And when all the other kids got to eat in the classroom which is also special, I had to go eat in the cafeteria!" 😠
"Kiddo you are not in trouble, lets go get your bike and you go for a ride to your friends house and we can talk about all of this later! Go have fun!"

He has been riding his bike to school. And I thought he was having super good days. Well today apparently was not. Though there was no note to explain why it was not.

He tells me in the kitchen tonight that he was working on his classwork and Special Ed teacher made a comment about how, "HE DOES THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY!" in front of the class. Even though he was doing his best and working on the assignment. When she said that an other child in class parroted her. "HE DOES THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY!" and laughed at him. I asked him how much of the work he did. He said that it was a front and back worksheet and he had done one side and had started the other. He did not indicate how far he got on the second side.

Im upset. I dont even know what happened totally and I am upset. This is the second time that the teachers have been unprofessional and made comments about my son in front of him. This is not an environment that is going to build him up or make him feel more self confident. And yet I am stuck. This is the only inclusion class in the grade. If I am going to get him out of that class I have to move schools.

If he really did get one whole side done, that's great stuff! I would be super happy with that. But since they didn't indicate anything on the behavioral folder I don't know.

But in his IEP it states that he should not be held back from Recess. He NEEDS the recess to help clear his mind and get rid of all the excess energy that they cant deal with.

At this point I feel that they are un-moving. He had a great week and whatever set them off today they could not see past whatever that was, that the rest of the week was great and let him go out for the special recess. #UNHAPPY

September 5th through 8th

Monday: Holiday

Tuesday: Kiddo refused to cooperate during math. Teacher asked him to come to her desk to work and he said no and put his head on the desk.

Finally went to work a little with main teacher. Needed many prompts to stay focused
During PE A student in his group told him to do the activity and Kiddo got upset and sat out. BMC teacher went to talk to him he said he was ok. Will try again on Thursday


Wednesday BLANK

Thursday: Kiddo shut down during math. When working in small group he put his head down on the desk and would not participate. When it was time for recess he jumped up to go outside. I asked him to complete 3 problems one on one and he went back to his desk and put his head down. He chose not to go outside to recess. Did not work the rest of the day. He said he didn't want to.

Friday: Great Day!



2nd week of school. Usually 1 week in hes got the groove back. This year not so much. Hoping for a better week this coming week.

Thursday, what to say about Thursday. I got him a re-vibe...https://shop.fokuslabs.com/. He said it did help him. How much I am not sure. We also upped his medication from 36 to 54. Hoping that makes the difference for him, though I'm not certain if that's the thing to do every time this happens. I am at my wits end though. Its not all his fault. Some people don't seem to be able to comprehend the issue. Its not that he doesn't want to do the work at the pace set by the teacher. Its that he CAN'T do the work at the pace set by the teacher.

I also figured out his schedule, his day looks like this in minutes:

Math - 90 minutes
Recess - 20 minutes
Writing - 15 minutes
Science - 45 minutes
Reading - 40 minutes
Lunch - 35 minutes
Read Aloud - 15 minutes
Elective - 45 minutes
Language Arts/Social Studies - 55 minutes
SSR - 10 minutes
Packup - 5 minutes

So lets see, 90 minutes in math first thing... followed by 20 minutes of recess. Of which the teacher does not want to allow kiddo to have if he doesn't work for the 90 minutes of Math. Well, the bad news is that his IEP  states that he NEEDS that recess to function. And so Recess in this case is not a reward. Personally I don't think it should be a reward for any child. It should be treated like every other subject. As even in 5th grade they are STILL children. And they need that outlet.

I also heard a story that when recess was missed on Thursday, while all the other kids were outside that kiddos desk was wobbly and he was "wobbling it" and the teacher got very frustrated with him when he wobbled said desk... And shouted at him to stop, and then told someone else on her phone that, "He is so ridiculous" (he said he heard her say this.) Maybe he misunderstood. I don't know. But I was fuming. He also said that when he had his head on the desk teacher walked by several times during class while other kids were in the class and say very loudly that she "DIDN'T CARE!!!"

I believe that it can be very frustrating to be a teacher. And special education would have to be especially trying. It would take a saint to put up with that many kids with that many different issues at the same time and find a resolution for everyone and keep the room humming like a machine. That being said, that type of body language and language in general is easily read by any kid, not just mine. It brings down their confidence and makes them want to try less. That's all I can say about that. I requested the desk be fixed, I hope that will be the end of the wobbly desk. And the negative vibes in the room. I hope.

I Desparately Want to Help Him but I Dont Know How

Another day, and a call from the teachers. Kiddo refuses to do his work in math. Puts his head on the desk, wont participate in group learning... But when Recess time comes up he jumps up and is ready to go.

Welcome to my world! I have the same problem with him and homework at night. and yet I deal with that un-medicated. I keep praying that something I am saying every night will seep in. At night he is like a slug. Oozing in and out of his chair. Moaning. Trying to change the subject... "When is dinner?" "Im Hungry!" Sorry kiddo, but dinner wont be ready until we can get through this homework so we can cook it. and on and on. Hubby and I take turns tag teaming this crap. When I am at my limit he steps in and back and forth it goes.

The thing is, as much as I remember doing homework when I was a kid, no one ever had to hold my hand and guide me through it. NO ONE. I knew what I had to do. and if I needed help I could ask. But I knew what was expected of me and I did it.

Kiddo doesn't have that kind of mindful awareness. Its not something you can teach. Believe me, I have tried. We have tried white boards to check off tasks. We have tried giving him 2 step instructions and giving him some space to get it done. Standing on his head was never one of the instructions and yet there he is... O.o. So its sit and guide through every step... every problem, every spelling word. These days he seethes attitude. He wants none of any of it. And its only going to get worse. His anxiety is over the top too. Its almost like he dreads everything before I utter the first word. And then out comes the whining slug.

So I can't figure out if its him being unreasonable. Or if there is genuinely a problem, a blockage if you will. Why is he doing all of this? People who don't know would say he is just lazy. Fine, maybe. But I'm worried its something more. Is he afraid to fail? Is it something else? Anxiety driven? All I know is that he completely shuts down in class. He wont pay attention he wont look at the work he just shuts down.

I am at a loss. Frustrated for him, frustrated for us, frustrated for them. I want to fix it and I dont know how. I want to help him and I don't know how.

First Week of School.... The word Refusal

Here we go, New school year. I had forgotten about blogging honestly. By the second half of last year I was dragging my @ss just to make it to the end of the year and slip blissfully into summer. I had all these aspirations for having kiddo read and learn over the summer. Yea all of that slipped out the window going 70 miles per hour.... In the end I felt it was more important to let him decompress. Was that a mistake? I ask myself that every year... the answer is 'YEA probably'.

So Monday the 28th rolls around and here we go back to school. I reminded kiddo of being polite to teachers. Using his listening ears and to try. Just try the work. He doesn't have to get it right, just give it a try. These are my rules. He knows this. Here is the feedback for the week. from his teachers, and his behavioral management teacher.

Monday: Kiddo had a great day!
YAAY! Great job kiddo! 

Tuesday: With prompting Kiddo was able to turn his attitude around (In the afternoon his teachers explained that they asked him to put his ruler away and he continuously  questioned them as to why he had to. He did much better after redirection).
At this point we have a conversation with Kiddo at night. Not cool Kiddo, you know you have to focus on the materials. Please dont play with your ruler in class. its for you to do your work, its not a toy.

Wednesday: Kiddo had a difficult time following teachers directions. He sat and refused to do his work in Math and writing. Much better the rest of the day.

There it is... the WORD... We can talk more about this later.

Thursday: Kiddo is having difficulty starting out his day with math which is not unusual for him. BMC Teacher came to observe him and he is having a lot of trouble staying on task. He doesn’t seem to want to listen to the lesson. Both teachers in the classroom are trying to help but he will not respond to them or even look at his book/board/visuals/examples. Its too soon to be shutting it out. Please talk to him. Let us know if you have any different ideas for us.

Kiddo did an awesome job in free writing today.

Was questioning the coach at PE about the activity they were doing . Would not participate.

Texts from BMC Teacher that accompanied this entry in his behavior log: Text 1:Kiddo is zoning out already during math. Completely disregarding the lesson. Hes not asking for help and when they try to help he either asks to use the restroom or rolls his eyes. I've been in here observing him this morning. Can you please talk to him to remind him that he needs to try and that we all want and are here to help. He already has a misconception of Lead Teacher “being mean” Shes really is trying. We will keep on top of it. Its not that bad but I don’t want it to get worse. Thanks for your continued support.

Text 2: Hes showing a little opposition too. For Instance when Lead Teacher told him to look at his book during an example he looked up at the ceiling instead lol… I know its not funny but he is showing signs of being preteen!

Total Brat move by my kid, yes. And he knows it. The kicker was when he sat in my kitchen and told me "lead teacher" was EVIL... my jaw hit the floor. We had a come to Jesus that night.

Friday: Kiddo had a good day. Worked well with partner in science.

Thank goodness... strong finish (I guess?)

Today starts the second week of school, what will happen? Only time will tell. But let me touch on a few things above.

First I will start by saying that I only put this out here with no teachers names included because I know they are doing the best they can under the circumstances. 20 something kids, and its the 1 inclusion class there is for that grade so that means any kid whos has special needs is going to be in that class with 2 teachers, one being a General Ed teacher and the other being a Special Education coordinator. Its got to be a tough job. And I admire every teacher out there. Once upon a time I wanted to be a teacher. And then I had a kid and realized that I cant even help him with his homework. I doubt i would be a great teacher lol. I also dont include my kids name for obvious reasons. If you know me, then you know who Kiddo is. 😀

Refusal

 To refuse is to indicate or show that one is not willing to do something. 

We have been receiving this word home in the behavior folder for a long long time. On any given day it could be about any different subject. Lots of times it looked more like:

"Kiddo put his head on the desk and refused to do his work, he threw the paper on the floor"

"Kiddo refused to do his work and played with his pencil."

But most times it was put his head on the desk. It always came back to when they gave him time to calm down he would usually get back to work. Last week they were going over place value. Basic concept for 5th graders, right? Except he had problems with it in 4th grade, and 3rd grade, and 2nd grade.... And the numbers keep getting bigger. In second grade I went out and purchased him a place value guide from Lakeshore learning. It was labeled to help him learn place value. I got 2 of them, sent one to school and 1 to keep at home. I sent it on a Monday with him and Monday night it was sent home with no note. I sent it back again the next day thinking Kiddo had forgotten to put it at his desk. Again it came back Tuesday. So I went to ask the teacher about why it wasn't staying at school. I was told that he could not use it because it was not a tool that he would be allowed to use for STAAR testing. She had given him a blank piece of paper that had the columns for place value and he would have to use that as his aid because that was all that was allowed for STAAR.... 😡

So, thanks STAAR testing. here we are 3 years later and kiddo still doesn't understand place value. And its not for not trying. We have tried at home, Dad and I. He has been through 3 classrooms full of teachers and he still doesn't understand the concept of place value. Talking to other ACC parents of adult children.. he may never truly grasp the concept. 

Well, guess what work he "refused" to do on Wednesday. Place value. Is it refusal when you don't understand it? Is it refusal if you have 20 something other students around you and you are embarrassed to speak up or be the one singled out because you don't understand something considered so basic? And the thing is he is starting to realize all of this. He told me this last year. He could see the other students finishing their papers quickly while he struggled to keep focus on material he didn't always understand. He didn't say it all that eloquently, but that is what he was getting at. He would get frustrated when he was held behind during recess to try to grasp something he couldn't get in class. Sometimes it was because he acted out, and sometimes its because that was the only time available to try and help him understand the material. 

Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum is like a 2 lane back road where normal people like you and I have an information super highway. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it takes Kiddo time to process things that I do lickety split. So if I his Mom, have a hard time keeping that perspective... I could understand why it would go straight over a teachers head.

While I do not like his behavior, I have to take into account that he is not able to process the learning material the same way I would or anyone else would. Homework in our house is an ordeal. 3 math problems = 3 hours. Most of which is trying to focus on material that he doesn't understand. And his ADHD meds are worn off. They get the best part of the day, with him. And somehow I am supposed to magically pour this stuff in at night. Its not their fault, its not his fault. Is it my fault? Maybe yes that's it. The ACC is the problem, the ADHD is the problem. and both of those happened on my "watch". And I am a pro at putting the blame on me for all of this. I want him to do well, I want him to have a happy life. 

So is Refusal the right word? I just feel it isn't. I have grown to HATE that word. Because if all of this came easy to him I doubt he would be refusing. He doesn't refuse Science, why? Because he is good at it. And it interests him. And he doesn't feel overwhelmed with the material. Here is a science experiment. Take a funnel and pour milk into the funnel into a jar. pour it too fast into the funnel and see what happens. The Milk will spill over the sides of the funnel and make a mess everywhere. The funnel is not refusing to put the milk into the jar. it literally cannot. Figure out a way to get ALL of the milk into the jar.... 

Have a great day!

New School Year... Same Craziness

So excited today at lunch to go pick up cases of wine...

Why do my husband and I need cases of wine, you ask?

HAH!

I get a call as I am getting into the car to go pick up said cases of wine. Kiddo, 5th day of 5th grade. Just came in from Recess, and is in the nurses office. School nurse (who is an angel I am pretty sure) calls to say kiddo just came in from the basketball court at recess, he is pretty sweaty and is complaining that his stomach hurts... O.o. Do I want to talk to him??? NO... I mean yes, put him on.

Me: Hi kiddo whats up?
Kiddo: My stomach hurts....
Me: how bad does it hurt?
Kiddo: pretty bad....

Now school nurse told me she took his temp twice... once when he came in and then another once he had cooled down... he went from 99 to normal.

Me: Kiddo, if we come get you then you will be "sick" all weekend. there wont be any playing with friends. Are you ok with that??
Kiddo: I don't know...
Me: Well does your stomach feel better than when you came in at first or is it the same or worse?
Kiddo: its worse.
Daddy: Tell him to cool down, drink water and eat lunch. He played too hard... hes cramping.
Kiddo: Ok...
School Nurse: sounds like a plan.

This year started out the same as ALLL the other years... ROUGH. Kiddo is having a hard time transitioning out of summer mode. Back to learning new concepts. Back to trying. Back to paying attention and focusing on something more than 1 minute 30 second YouTube videos about Minecraft and making crafts, and fidget spinners, and water bottle flipping (wtf?!).

Since the first day of school the notes that have come home have been increasingly familiar. "Rolling eyes" "Refusing to work" "Wont pay attention"... Hello deja vu, been here before. I will include those notes when I have them they are in his behavioral folder at school right now. I think I will make a separate blog post with the first week of notes in them.

I have another whole post in me about "Refusal".

But this post is about wine! no whine.... i mean wine! ummmm.

So this afternoon I get a message from Kiddos teacher that he is having a much better day... YAAAAY! OMG! Hallelujah!

It seems to take him about a week to get back into the groove. I go through a whole range of emotions every year. From anger at the behavior to then reminding myself of the situation. I have to remind myself every year. Just like I have to remind them. every year. You look at him and you see "normal kid" But hes not. He is this amazing miracle with heart and attitude, that is missing an ENTIRE part of his brain. He has likes and dislikes just like you and me. He has attitude JUST LIKE ME (says his dad *snicker*). He loves music, science, and riding his bike, and Legos and Minecraft. He hates reading, and math. And it takes him just a little bit longer to process things that we do in a split instant.

He is starting to realize the difference between himself and others. Last year he told me he was uncomfortable in class because he saw that other kids finished their work quickly while he struggled. He could see them finishing their papers and he couldn't concentrate. We talked to him about all of it. I think it went over his head. But he got the amended version of his condition.

I am so glad he was able to get through his day. I know it was hard. He was hoping I would come swooping in and take him home and lay him on the couch for a few hours with the tv. and then he would miraculously feel better and have a fun weekend playing with his friends, having gotten out of afternoon school work. Instead he got through the day and now he can come home and really have a great weekend.

5th grade. Its not for the faint of heart. Thank goodness for whine... no, I mean wine!