Frustration on a Personal Level

I have been struggling recently. I absolutely love my kid. How could I not? I birthed him (the easy way... so!?) I stayed up with him all those nights, still do sometimes. A mothers love. But, lately, I dont like myself, or my kid. I know, *gasp*, "how dare you not like your kid?". Well lets see, I run interference with teachers, and school staff, I make sure kiddo his clothed and fed, in bed at 8:30, up for school by 6:30, backpack together with everything in it, signed, lunchbox filled. Clothes laid out, and dressed, tablet charged, breakfast on the table, to school on time with homework and reading done. On the weekends, hes an only child, and there arent any kids on our street, so its, "entertain me!!". Every five minutes, "Turn the tv on, change it to wii, i want to watch xxx show, I need batteries for this toy or that, Mom Im hungry, Mom did you know that this rock is shiny? Mom watch this (as he jumps a curb on his scooter for the 40th time), Can we take the dogs for a walk?" and then theres all the real noise..."NO I DONT WANT TO!, I'm hungry!!(you just ate 20 minutes ago) I DONT WANT THAT TO EAT!, You never do anything nice for me!!, YOUR RUDE!!! YOUR MEAN!!! I DONT WANNA GO TO THE STORE!!! IS THIS BLACK FRIDAY?!?! YOUR GOING TO TOO MANY STORES!!!


One such episode really set me off this weekend. We had our weekly shopping and running around we needed to do. Kiddo hates going to the store. So we stopped and ate lunch first. At 5 Guys. After that kiddo tells me he wants Orange Leaf... Please can he go there he hasnt been in a long time. So I figure ok, Ill take him. Got him a reasonable amount of Froyo, and a few toppings. It ended up being less than 4 bucks. Not bad. And he ate it all. So successful, and yaay i did something nice for kiddo, right?! UGH! I told him ok, now please let Mom and Dad do what we need to get done so we can go home. So, he asks how many stores we had to go to? "Sams Club, Walmart, and Petsmart". Then home. OK.


Get into SAMS and we are walking around looking at stuff, and kiddo is pushing the cart. He starts pushing his Dads buttons by pushing the cart and letting go of it and letting it roll down the isle. Dad tells him, "Kiddo, push the cart and don't let go of it". Kiddo makes a face at his Dad and then does it again. Dad asks nicely again, "Kiddo don't let go of the cart, push it." Kiddo rolls his eyes at his Dad and does it again. At this point Dad takes the cart, well tries to anyway and Kiddo is struggling and yelling NO at his Dad in the isle at SAMS, "NO Im pushing the cart!!! NO!!!" Dad gets the cart from him, and kiddo bursts into tears, rubbing his eyes 2 year old style.... So I take him to the car. And all the way hes saying, "DADDY IS MEAN TO ME!! HE IS RUDE!!" I told him no he was the rude one because he wasnt listening. And this child thought he did NOTHING WRONG. He refuses to say ok, yea I screwed up there. No its all Dads fault.


At this point I feel its a constant struggle. He doesnt want to take any responsibility when he does something wrong. He just wants to find blame elsewhere. It doesnt matter what it is, its NEVER his fault. Its always someone elses fault. Even something as simple as him knocking a drink over. If the dog was near, the dog did it, not him. Otherwise if the dog is not near, it was my fault.


I guess I am at my wits end, I want to do nice things for him, but everyone keeps saying I spoil him and that is what is wrong with him. I have heard I need to spank him more, take his privileges away more, and spank him more. *sigh*. And I guess Im sick of hearing that.I feel like we have tried all of the different "punishments" and spanking worked the least. He laughed at us... seriously!!"


Im worried that I am raising this child who has no empathy, no regard for anyone else. We pray at night for family and friends. I try to teach him about those in need, and those who are sick or less fortunate. He only cares about Number 1. I feel like a failure, seriously. I feel like I have failed that adorable little boy I gave birth to 8 years ago. I wish I knew how to fix this. Everyone has their own theories. I wish I was confident in any one way that would make things better. Its like he is a teen at 8. I cant even imagine what teenage years are going to be like.


Ok enough with the pity party... back to real life.

10/5/2015 A Nice Note From the Teacher

So we had a great weekend. And it started out with a really nice note home from Ms. Gen Ed teacher.



(Bad Mommy for not having a copy of the good stuff the teacher wrote!!) It stated that they were so proud of Kiddo that he has been having really good days. Lots of consistency and doing all of his work when requested. That he has been working on his personal writing project and has written 2 full pages and started on his 3rd. And that he has been very cooperative. Well Hallelujah! And way to go Kiddo!! Im so proud of him because i know how difficult all of that is for him. Way to go!!! Keep up the good work :). <3

9/24/2015 - Shenanigans at the school, AGAIN!

I have lost count of the days we have been in school now. I only know there are too many left, and I wish I could stop this ride and GET OFF! LOL

Note sent home from school today:

Did not get along with friends during group learning. He had a great day otherwise and completed all of his work. Kiddo also had some trouble getting along with a friend during lunch. Kiddo is complaining that the boy plays with the spit in his mouth and that grosses him out. Apparently Kiddo had problems with him yesterday too. Kiddo accused him of eating his chicken patty. The friend denied it. Kiddo smiled, then asked to get another one. We checked the cameras just in case and the boy did not eat it. After talking to the lunch monitor on duty about this we determined that it would be best to have them sit apart. The boy really wants to be Kiddos friend but it might not be meant to be. He did become upset and looked angry when the monitor asked what was wrong he grunted a few times. Came down to BMC for some calm time, Recuperated quietly, then went to specials (art, music, PE., ETC.). ~Ms. BMC Teacher.


Once we got home we asked Kiddo what happened he said that the friend had been chewing his food and a little of it got on the table and he started to gag. Kiddo has probably the worst GAG reflex I have ever seen EVER. And I have a bad gag reflex so that's saying something. But things that gross him out throw him straight into puke mode... stomach clicking, eyes watering, gagging. So I believe him. The chicken patty I make no excuses about. I don't know what he was pulling... hes a kid, and hes ALWAYS HUNGRY!!! Who knows... My response to them was this:


I wanted to send a note to explain about Kiddo today. Kiddo has a horrible gag reflex. I mean, I have a bad gag reflex, and Kiddos is far worse than anything I have ever seen. I have seen him actually gag and heard his stomach click and him almost get sick, so I know he’s not joking on that. He said that Friend was eating something and he was chewing whatever it was up and some of it got on the table, and he saw it and started to gag. I believe him on this. I have seen /heard it happen at other times.

I don’t know what the deal is with the chicken patty. I talked to him about it, and I talked to him about Friend as well. He said he does like Friend. He said Friend is nice to him. And he does want to be his friend. I don’t know if he was smiling because he remembered that he ate it and decided to ask for another anyway. He didn’t give me an answer and I wont make excuses. If he ever wants more food because he is still hungry, he can go get more food. We will pay for it, as long as its not seconds on dessert. As I have said before, he is ALWAYS hungry.

Thank you, Kiddos Mother


*SIGH*

**UPDATE**
response from Ms. BMC teacher from my email: He's so funny. He did not get in trouble today. When the lunch monitor, asked what was going on, Kiddo assumed he was in trouble. Didn't say a word, just got mad and grunted. She asked if he needed to go to bmc to cool down but refused. BMC helper went down there and then he willing came to bmc where he was immediately calm and told us that he was getting grossed out. I believed him, asked if he was ok and then sent him to rotation. He was fine. lunch monitor came to talk to me about it after school today so Mrs Special Ed teacher and Ms General Ed teacher are not aware of it at all.

About yesterday, we are just figuring he wanted another chicken patty but forgot to ask and said the other child had eaten his. We wanted to double check on the other boy to make sure he didn't eat it. The boy was scared and cried about being accused. Today the boy cried again because he really wants to be Connor's friend but Lunch monitor and I think it's best for them to sit apart for awhile.

I just wanted to let you know, not because he was in trouble, but because my goal is to help him socialize well and thought you could gain more insight so that I could help him more. Oh, by the way, he was allowed to get another chicken patty. He often goes for seconds, according to lunch monitor. Have a great night!

9/24/2015 **UPDATE!! I hired an A-WORD!!!** WOOO!

Well true to form I did not keep up with this the way I said it would. So now for a little update.


Things have been progressing. I have seen kiddos handwriting get a bit better over the last few weeks. Also I have noticed his reading is steadily improving. And I dare say his comprehension in reading. Which is something impressive.

One day last week he got into trouble for not bubbling in a coGat practice test correctly (preliminary testing for the state to see where the kids are I would assume. He was very upset about the tally marks. I told him not to worry about it because frankly I don't care if they didn't like the way he bubbled in a test answer sheet. I have explained to them that he gets very upset when he has to erase stuff. A lot of his writing is to him a momentous task. So erasing all that hard work really bugs him... sorry.

A few weeks ago we had an eval meeting that I was told was to talk about what kiddo would be evaluated on for his 3 year eval through the district. What it ended up being was a railroading session with me being the one railroaded where the SLLP told me what she had decided to test him on. EVEN THOUGH for once the teachers and I were on the same page. She vetoed our comments and still went with her own. This was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I hired an (dun dun dun) .... ADVOCATE!!!!

I spoke with Ms. Advocate about the things going on, and she interjected with VERY VALID POINTS where it mattered. her points?
1) Kiddo hasn't been fully assessed. Only assessed on what they feel he needs to be assessed on. So they are missing a bigger picture.
2) His Homework needs to be reduced.
3) Positive reinforcement. They need to tell him three great things he did before they bounce the negative all over him. The tally marks and the folder are bringing him down. He takes them hard. He wants to have a good day. They are telling him all the things that are going wrong in his day. Talk about the things that are going RIGHT!!!
4) The school needs to pay more attention to the fact that his disorder is not just ADHD. He has Executive Function issues, low working memory function. They should be taking that into account. He needs help with the more complex stuff because it takes him longer to process it, if he can even process it at all.

And there was more, the conversation with her was so amazing. It was like the lightbulb in my head came on. I felt empowered. See here's the thing. My kiddo has a DISABILITY. Its not something that will go away. They are treating it like one day it will magically disappear and he will be able to work independently, WITHOUT ANY HELP. He will be able to do some things independently. But he will ALWAYS depend on us/ and others he trusts to make sure he is going in the right direction. And EVEN THOUGH, he fights us and struggles with our directions every step of the way, he DESPERATELY wants to do things right. He wants to know that he's doing good. He craves the positive reinforcement. And hell, WHO DOESN'T?! So today I say, you cannot treat my son like all the other children, because he isn't like all the other children. He is amazing! he is handsome, smart, and funny. He is active, and athletic.

I am going to post another incident that happened today. But I wanted to give an update first.

9-3-2015

Day 9, Note sent home:


Kiddo had a great morning. But then towards afternoon he was still playing with his water bottle a lot. Asked him to put his Math work away in his folder and he said "I don't want to". Ms BMC Teacher talked to him and told him "I don't want to hear 'I don't want to' anymore. Please don't say it."


I asked Kiddo to leave his water bottle in his backpack from now on, and go get water when he needs it. I hope he listens.


Other than that, no other big deals.

We worked with him on his Makeup math work again last night for almost 3 hours. Trying to help him understand Place value in numbers. And then Expanded Form, Standard Form, and Word Form. He just can not get it. I even tried a couple of Youtube videos made by teachers hoping it would help. Maybe someone else could teach it better than I could.

One thing both I and his Dad noticed last night, his ADHD is out of control. I had to get up and walk away (take a break) when he was hanging his empty chip bowl off his nose (snack). Dad took over and said he noticed the same things. His ADHD is just off the chart at night. It is so frustrating, and also hard to remember that its not his fault. He doesn't yet have control over it. one day he will (as told to me by an ADHD adult friend. But right now its just off the chart. He did do his reading though. I was proud of him for that. He isnt quite confident in reading yet, but he has a handle on it better than math. And he did well on his practice spelling test too. The real spelling test is today. I hope he does well. I noticed he is having issues with the short I and E sounds. Mixing them up. I don't think he hears them correctly. But all audiologists said his hearing is clear.

9-2-2015

8th Day of School

Another Great day for Kiddo!!

9-1-2015

7th day of school.

He had a great day!!! :)


Way to go my kiddo! :)

8-31-2013

6th day of school. Note sent home:

Kiddo did great this morning. Completed all his morning work.

In P.E. struggled with a new game. Was not being safe. Was redirected and got upset. Shut down and cried. Tried to get him to come to BMC but then got upset when he missed recess. Finally got him back down again after 30 minutes. Called parents. Did much better. Had computer time at end of day in BMC.


Now to what I know: I got a call around 1:10 PM from Ms. BMC. She said that Kiddo was in the hallway crying, and that she was trying to get him to come into the BMC classroom but he would not comply. She stated that Kiddo had had an issue in P.E. where he was reprimanded for not playing a new game correctly. He was being too "rough" was the initial verbiage that Ms. BMC used. She said after he was reprimanded he went over to the side of the Gym and refused to participate in the rest of the activity. Even though the coach tried to speak with him. Then when it was time to go to recess Kiddo said he wanted to go to recess. By this time Ms. Gen Ed teacher was there and told him that he would need to wait and have a discussion about what happened in the Gym. Then he could go to recess. This upset Kiddo even further and when he saw Ms. BMC coming down the hall for him he collapsed in the hallway, continued to cry and say that he wanted to go to recess and that he would not comply.


I asked if I could speak to him. At that time Ms. BMC said let me call you back from my cellphone, that way I can take it out into the hallway and you can speak with him. I said ok. So she called me back. and took her cell out into the hall to where Kiddo was crying. She asked him to take the phone and talk to Mom. Kiddo batted her hand away and said no he didn't want to talk to me. So she waited until the hall was clear of students and then put me on speaker. I could hear that there was no consoling him before i was even on speaker. He was in a locked in meltdown state. He was not going to come out of this gracefully. I told him that everything was ok. Dad and I weren't mad, but would he please go into the classroom. I heard Ms. Special Ed teacher tell him that his classmates would be coming back by from PE later and that that would mean that his classmates would see him on the floor in the hallway crying. I explained to him that this was important for him to get up and go in the classroom, that he didn't understand why but to please do it for me because it was important. He said no. he wasn't doing it.


At this point I told Ms. BMC to please ask Ms. Special Ed teacher to have his homework in his backpack that I was going to pick him up, because I couldn't see him coming out of this at school he was locked in. Recess could have been the time for him to reset and move on. But that time was over, and he missed it.


I call hubby and explain that Kiddo is in shutdown mode at the school and that im going to get him and i will call to explain what happened on my way. Hubby says hes going with, so I go pick him up, and explain what is going on on the way to the school. Once we get to the school, is when things get a bit unclearer.


We arrive at the school and get badges to proceed to the classroom. Ms. BMC meets us in the hallway and says that Kiddo would not go into her room but agreed to go into another room. So She calls Ms. Special Ed teacher to bring him out of that classroom and down the hall. When she does she ushers him back toward the classroom and he goes and sits down and starts taking instruction. His eyes look tired and he looks like he has been through the wringer. He sees us but follows his teachers lead and goes back to class because we are still talking.


At this point we are told that The P.E. Teacher is the one we need to talk to so we can get the beginning of the story, like... what was the game they were playing, that he didn't understand. What was "playing rough" etc? The P.E. Teacher is in class though and cannot be disturbed so they will have to call us back. So we start asking questions. Why was recess taken away? Why did he need to hash and rehash what happened? Couldnt the "talking" been done after recess?


At this point we got a lot of I don't knows. Im not sure. This teacher did a great job in this, this teacher did a great job in that. But it was Kiddo that didn't do a great job. Ok, sure he got emotional. He wasn't able to talk about what happened, and he didn't want to miss recess. What kid does? Hubby reiterates that we do not want recess taken away as a punishment. That they missed their opportunity to let him calm down, reset so to speak, and then they could talk to him about things after that. He sees the other kids going outside while he has to stay behind, and in his mind its a punishment. Hubby told them again. DO NOT take away recess. He is ADHD, he needs to expend that energy so that he can focus in the classroom. He needs that time to decompress. We ask to speak to the Ms. Gen Ed teacher so that we can understand why he needed to rehash what happened in P.E.


Ms. Gen Ed teacher sends out Ms. Special Ed Teacher, and Kiddo is still in class. Ms. Special Ed teacher tells us that it was Ms. BMC who insisted that Kiddo stay behind from Recess and discuss what happened in P.E. not Ms. Gen Ed teacher. Which didn't make sense because Ms. BMC told us that Kiddo didn't collapse on the hallway floor until he saw Ms. BMC walking toward him to take him to her classroom. Which meant he knew there would be no recess time for him. Because every minute he spends in her classroom is time he wants to be outside running around. At this point we really get no more information on what happened other than, We will send the P.E. teacher an email and have her call you. Finally they let Kiddo come out of the class. he comes over to me and gives me the biggest hug. And I whisper in his ear, "You are not in trouble. We are here for YOU, to help YOU. And we will work this out. He said ok, and that he knew. And we talked for a moment about a few other things. And then he went back to class.


Hubby and I go back to work and resume the day.


I finally get a call from Ms. P.E. teacher. about 2:40 PM. She tells me what happened. "They were doing 3 minute station activities and there were 12 different activities. The first one was 'zigzag poles' where the kids would have to weave in and out of the poles". (I think, i didn't even understand, but I guess i needed the visual...). "Kiddo stated that he didn't understand the game. And that he threw himself on the floor, and it scared me because I thought that he hit his head on the floor. At this point I reprimanded him that I was concerned he might hurt himself. I told him I would take him over and explain the game again, but he started crying. At that point I did as instructed by Ms. BMC in the past and left him to have a few minutes to get himself together. In the past, usually this has helped. Today it did not. After a few minutes I went back over and said 'Kiddo if you don't participate I will have to write in your folder to your Mom that you wouldn't participate in P.E. class' to which he made an 'ARGH' crying sound and degraded further. at that point I realized that that was a mistake, and wasn't going to help today, and that I probably should have just left that out. Every day is different with him. Some days hes receptive and will get back on the ball. Today was not that day."


She did ask me to please tell Kiddo that she is sorry, and she is happy to help him anytime he needs her. That she wants him to be safe, and not get hurt. And that next time if he asks she will be glad to show him the game that they were playing. I told her yes I would talk to him.



So at the end of all this I pick Kiddo up at the end of the day, and he knocks out homework like nobody's business. He did so good, and I was so very proud of him and his hard work.


I feel very much like its Kiddo all alone and against the school right now. I can see very clearly that when they look at him they see "NORMAL KID" who is behaving like a spoiled brat. What they cant seem to understand is that he isn't going to behave like every other kid, because his brain doesn't operate like every other kid. His brain doesn't even operate like every other kid with ADHD. He is a unique little guy. And he very much wants to be accepted. He very much doesn't want to be called out in front of all the other kids because it takes longer for him to "get it". How about just give some general direction? How about considering his feelings?!?! He wants to blend in. And everyone knows that he doesnt handle his emotions very well, so stop trying to provoke them. And By God above all else, don't take recess away! You said yourself that he worked so hard in the morning to get all of his work done. Hes working for that recess!!! Don't blow that on one incident in an elective class!

8-28-2015 to 8-30-2015

We went to visit my cousin in Indiana, Kiddo and I. It was awesome. It was a hard trip at times, but it was also fun. Seeing my cousin was amazing. She has miracle babies. Which reminded me of what a miracle my kiddo is. And how lucky I am to have him.


My cousin had twins last year and they were extremely premature (she had them at 29 weeks) So they were in the NICU/PICU for 4 months. So this past weekend was their birthday. Kiddo got to meet them and her other kids too. It was a joyous weekend and I can say Kiddo thoroughly enjoyed himself. More boys to play with than he could shake a stick at.


So celebrating the twins birthday and playing with other kiddos was the agenda for the weekend. We were there Friday and Saturday and came home really early (too early) on Sunday. We left the hotel room at 3:30ish in the morning. By the end of Sunday we were both exhausted. When we put kiddo to bed, he was asleep in 30 seconds.


Initially I felt guilty for taking kiddo out of class for a day to go on this trip. After watching him meet and play with his 2nd cousins, I realized that I made the right decision in taking him there. Some opportunities don't come along often.
Happy Me! Happier kiddo!!

8-27-2015

This was a good day! Kiddo did all of his classwork and didn't get into any trouble! YAAY Kiddo!

8-26-2015

3rd day of school - Note sent home:

Kiddo was asked to free write about any topic of his choosing. It was a 10 minute (timed) writing. Kiddo wouldn't write because he didn't know what to write. I told him he could write about what we did the first day of school or what he did this summer (Just to give suggestions). He refused to write because he didn't know what to write about. We gave an assignment in Rd. Ms. "Special Ed Teacher" was trying to get him to tell her the answers orally and she would write them. He refused. Ms. "Behavioral Management Teacher" went into the classroom to talk to him as well. Much better rest of the day.

I hate the word 'refused'. I feel like its their way of saying, "Sorry we don't see that he has any condition that would warrant him to act this way. He just refuses to do the work."

I spoke with Ms. "Behavioral Management Teacher" She said she was there for the exercise. And she felt that kiddo was still in summer mode. So he wouldn't start the work. I can see this but its no less frustrating for me. ADHD is almost a guarantee that kiddo isn't going to be interested in the mundane stuff like reading and writing. Its all a struggle. But he's so sweet! and hes amazing. And I don't think his teachers understand or realize that!

8-25-2015

2nd day of school - First note home.

Refused to trade pencils in order to have a sharpened pencil in Science. We allow kids to trade in pencils when they need to be sharpened He refused to write in his science/ss NB. Gave him 5 minutes to begin.

Went under the table and started to cry. Called Mrs. "behavioral management teacher". kiddo willingly went to BMC with her. When talking it out, kiddo said that he didn't want to trade out the pencil because it was the one his mom brought him. We will work something out about this. Started to complete his work in BMC. The rest of the day was good!

So I talked to kiddo about trading pencils.. it doesn't matter whos mommy bought the pencil as long as we have one to write with. He said he understood. I hope so, it kinda pulled at my heart a bit to know that he really wanted to keep the dull one because I was the one who purchased it. (My husband would call this wrapped *snicker*).

8-24-2015

First day of school. Was a good day! no notes home. Kiddo was even gleeful in telling me that I had homework to do. But he had homework to do too. He had to read for 20 minutes, as well as read contracts for his Science lab, and his playground rules.

Once he finished this he had his shower and ate dinner, and had about an hour of time to use his tablet or do what he wished. He was happy and it was a pretty good day for him.

Here We Are 2015 School Year

I am starting this blog to keep up with the issues we are having with our kiddo and the school. I am going to try not to post names in this blog. And keep it to initials for the kiddo and titles for the teachers.

Since we started in Kindergarten we have seen a lack of our child wanting to focus. Some of it being his disability, and some of it being his inability to easily shift gears to whatever the task is. Most of the time it being school work.

We are now going into 3rd grade. I think I would like to start keeping a record of the notes sent home each day. To keep a log for patterns and my thoughts and feelings too.

Kiddo can read now, and he sees these notes and they upset him. He says he wants to do well, but when he is in class he has a hard time. I'm not sure if that's because he cant focus, or really where the problem is. Maybe keeping a log will help to shed some light.