First Week of School.... The word Refusal

Here we go, New school year. I had forgotten about blogging honestly. By the second half of last year I was dragging my @ss just to make it to the end of the year and slip blissfully into summer. I had all these aspirations for having kiddo read and learn over the summer. Yea all of that slipped out the window going 70 miles per hour.... In the end I felt it was more important to let him decompress. Was that a mistake? I ask myself that every year... the answer is 'YEA probably'.

So Monday the 28th rolls around and here we go back to school. I reminded kiddo of being polite to teachers. Using his listening ears and to try. Just try the work. He doesn't have to get it right, just give it a try. These are my rules. He knows this. Here is the feedback for the week. from his teachers, and his behavioral management teacher.

Monday: Kiddo had a great day!
YAAY! Great job kiddo! 

Tuesday: With prompting Kiddo was able to turn his attitude around (In the afternoon his teachers explained that they asked him to put his ruler away and he continuously  questioned them as to why he had to. He did much better after redirection).
At this point we have a conversation with Kiddo at night. Not cool Kiddo, you know you have to focus on the materials. Please dont play with your ruler in class. its for you to do your work, its not a toy.

Wednesday: Kiddo had a difficult time following teachers directions. He sat and refused to do his work in Math and writing. Much better the rest of the day.

There it is... the WORD... We can talk more about this later.

Thursday: Kiddo is having difficulty starting out his day with math which is not unusual for him. BMC Teacher came to observe him and he is having a lot of trouble staying on task. He doesn’t seem to want to listen to the lesson. Both teachers in the classroom are trying to help but he will not respond to them or even look at his book/board/visuals/examples. Its too soon to be shutting it out. Please talk to him. Let us know if you have any different ideas for us.

Kiddo did an awesome job in free writing today.

Was questioning the coach at PE about the activity they were doing . Would not participate.

Texts from BMC Teacher that accompanied this entry in his behavior log: Text 1:Kiddo is zoning out already during math. Completely disregarding the lesson. Hes not asking for help and when they try to help he either asks to use the restroom or rolls his eyes. I've been in here observing him this morning. Can you please talk to him to remind him that he needs to try and that we all want and are here to help. He already has a misconception of Lead Teacher “being mean” Shes really is trying. We will keep on top of it. Its not that bad but I don’t want it to get worse. Thanks for your continued support.

Text 2: Hes showing a little opposition too. For Instance when Lead Teacher told him to look at his book during an example he looked up at the ceiling instead lol… I know its not funny but he is showing signs of being preteen!

Total Brat move by my kid, yes. And he knows it. The kicker was when he sat in my kitchen and told me "lead teacher" was EVIL... my jaw hit the floor. We had a come to Jesus that night.

Friday: Kiddo had a good day. Worked well with partner in science.

Thank goodness... strong finish (I guess?)

Today starts the second week of school, what will happen? Only time will tell. But let me touch on a few things above.

First I will start by saying that I only put this out here with no teachers names included because I know they are doing the best they can under the circumstances. 20 something kids, and its the 1 inclusion class there is for that grade so that means any kid whos has special needs is going to be in that class with 2 teachers, one being a General Ed teacher and the other being a Special Education coordinator. Its got to be a tough job. And I admire every teacher out there. Once upon a time I wanted to be a teacher. And then I had a kid and realized that I cant even help him with his homework. I doubt i would be a great teacher lol. I also dont include my kids name for obvious reasons. If you know me, then you know who Kiddo is. 😀

Refusal

 To refuse is to indicate or show that one is not willing to do something. 

We have been receiving this word home in the behavior folder for a long long time. On any given day it could be about any different subject. Lots of times it looked more like:

"Kiddo put his head on the desk and refused to do his work, he threw the paper on the floor"

"Kiddo refused to do his work and played with his pencil."

But most times it was put his head on the desk. It always came back to when they gave him time to calm down he would usually get back to work. Last week they were going over place value. Basic concept for 5th graders, right? Except he had problems with it in 4th grade, and 3rd grade, and 2nd grade.... And the numbers keep getting bigger. In second grade I went out and purchased him a place value guide from Lakeshore learning. It was labeled to help him learn place value. I got 2 of them, sent one to school and 1 to keep at home. I sent it on a Monday with him and Monday night it was sent home with no note. I sent it back again the next day thinking Kiddo had forgotten to put it at his desk. Again it came back Tuesday. So I went to ask the teacher about why it wasn't staying at school. I was told that he could not use it because it was not a tool that he would be allowed to use for STAAR testing. She had given him a blank piece of paper that had the columns for place value and he would have to use that as his aid because that was all that was allowed for STAAR.... 😡

So, thanks STAAR testing. here we are 3 years later and kiddo still doesn't understand place value. And its not for not trying. We have tried at home, Dad and I. He has been through 3 classrooms full of teachers and he still doesn't understand the concept of place value. Talking to other ACC parents of adult children.. he may never truly grasp the concept. 

Well, guess what work he "refused" to do on Wednesday. Place value. Is it refusal when you don't understand it? Is it refusal if you have 20 something other students around you and you are embarrassed to speak up or be the one singled out because you don't understand something considered so basic? And the thing is he is starting to realize all of this. He told me this last year. He could see the other students finishing their papers quickly while he struggled to keep focus on material he didn't always understand. He didn't say it all that eloquently, but that is what he was getting at. He would get frustrated when he was held behind during recess to try to grasp something he couldn't get in class. Sometimes it was because he acted out, and sometimes its because that was the only time available to try and help him understand the material. 

Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum is like a 2 lane back road where normal people like you and I have an information super highway. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it takes Kiddo time to process things that I do lickety split. So if I his Mom, have a hard time keeping that perspective... I could understand why it would go straight over a teachers head.

While I do not like his behavior, I have to take into account that he is not able to process the learning material the same way I would or anyone else would. Homework in our house is an ordeal. 3 math problems = 3 hours. Most of which is trying to focus on material that he doesn't understand. And his ADHD meds are worn off. They get the best part of the day, with him. And somehow I am supposed to magically pour this stuff in at night. Its not their fault, its not his fault. Is it my fault? Maybe yes that's it. The ACC is the problem, the ADHD is the problem. and both of those happened on my "watch". And I am a pro at putting the blame on me for all of this. I want him to do well, I want him to have a happy life. 

So is Refusal the right word? I just feel it isn't. I have grown to HATE that word. Because if all of this came easy to him I doubt he would be refusing. He doesn't refuse Science, why? Because he is good at it. And it interests him. And he doesn't feel overwhelmed with the material. Here is a science experiment. Take a funnel and pour milk into the funnel into a jar. pour it too fast into the funnel and see what happens. The Milk will spill over the sides of the funnel and make a mess everywhere. The funnel is not refusing to put the milk into the jar. it literally cannot. Figure out a way to get ALL of the milk into the jar.... 

Have a great day!

New School Year... Same Craziness

So excited today at lunch to go pick up cases of wine...

Why do my husband and I need cases of wine, you ask?

HAH!

I get a call as I am getting into the car to go pick up said cases of wine. Kiddo, 5th day of 5th grade. Just came in from Recess, and is in the nurses office. School nurse (who is an angel I am pretty sure) calls to say kiddo just came in from the basketball court at recess, he is pretty sweaty and is complaining that his stomach hurts... O.o. Do I want to talk to him??? NO... I mean yes, put him on.

Me: Hi kiddo whats up?
Kiddo: My stomach hurts....
Me: how bad does it hurt?
Kiddo: pretty bad....

Now school nurse told me she took his temp twice... once when he came in and then another once he had cooled down... he went from 99 to normal.

Me: Kiddo, if we come get you then you will be "sick" all weekend. there wont be any playing with friends. Are you ok with that??
Kiddo: I don't know...
Me: Well does your stomach feel better than when you came in at first or is it the same or worse?
Kiddo: its worse.
Daddy: Tell him to cool down, drink water and eat lunch. He played too hard... hes cramping.
Kiddo: Ok...
School Nurse: sounds like a plan.

This year started out the same as ALLL the other years... ROUGH. Kiddo is having a hard time transitioning out of summer mode. Back to learning new concepts. Back to trying. Back to paying attention and focusing on something more than 1 minute 30 second YouTube videos about Minecraft and making crafts, and fidget spinners, and water bottle flipping (wtf?!).

Since the first day of school the notes that have come home have been increasingly familiar. "Rolling eyes" "Refusing to work" "Wont pay attention"... Hello deja vu, been here before. I will include those notes when I have them they are in his behavioral folder at school right now. I think I will make a separate blog post with the first week of notes in them.

I have another whole post in me about "Refusal".

But this post is about wine! no whine.... i mean wine! ummmm.

So this afternoon I get a message from Kiddos teacher that he is having a much better day... YAAAAY! OMG! Hallelujah!

It seems to take him about a week to get back into the groove. I go through a whole range of emotions every year. From anger at the behavior to then reminding myself of the situation. I have to remind myself every year. Just like I have to remind them. every year. You look at him and you see "normal kid" But hes not. He is this amazing miracle with heart and attitude, that is missing an ENTIRE part of his brain. He has likes and dislikes just like you and me. He has attitude JUST LIKE ME (says his dad *snicker*). He loves music, science, and riding his bike, and Legos and Minecraft. He hates reading, and math. And it takes him just a little bit longer to process things that we do in a split instant.

He is starting to realize the difference between himself and others. Last year he told me he was uncomfortable in class because he saw that other kids finished their work quickly while he struggled. He could see them finishing their papers and he couldn't concentrate. We talked to him about all of it. I think it went over his head. But he got the amended version of his condition.

I am so glad he was able to get through his day. I know it was hard. He was hoping I would come swooping in and take him home and lay him on the couch for a few hours with the tv. and then he would miraculously feel better and have a fun weekend playing with his friends, having gotten out of afternoon school work. Instead he got through the day and now he can come home and really have a great weekend.

5th grade. Its not for the faint of heart. Thank goodness for whine... no, I mean wine!

Brag time!!!!

I got this email this morning from Ms. Special Ed Teacher!!!!


I just had to stop and e-mail you! I tested Kiddo this morning to see if he was able to move up a level in reading and he did. He has now read at level M, which is at the beginning of 3rd grade level. He was able to read a fiction book at this level and a non-fiction book at this level and passed both assessments! I am so happy for him!

So proud of my kiddo. That 1 level was hard fought for!!! he went from L to M. And he worked for it. He dislikes reading. its difficult for him to read and comprehend at the same time. Today is a very good day!! :) LOVE!

New Year, First Day Back....*facepalm*

When I dropped kiddo off at school this morning, I asked him who was going to have a great day at school? He said "ME!!!" And he told me he really did want to have a good day. And I told him even if he has to do Division? And he said, even if! (his newest thing is he HATES division).

Fast forward to the end of the day... I get a text from Ms. BMC services teacher. (As part of our IEP now, Kiddo is no longer allowed to carry the 'bad kid today' notes back and forth from home to school. he can talk about what happened at school with the teachers), but if its bad enough she just texts me: (note below)

When taking notes with kiddo he argued with the teacher when given the notes to copy into notebook, but did get the notes into book. During math kiddowould not write down problems or pull out his multiplication chart to help him. he layed his head down on the desk. Called Ms BMC services teacher kiddo refused to go to BMC to work or take a break. He sat at his desk with his head down, writing all over his desk and playing with scissors. He wanted the other kids to play with him. When redirected, would say that the teachers the he rolled his eyes at them. Even after giving him his space and time, reminders of rules etc. he still refused to work. We tried to sit with him and break things down but would not allow us to help him.. Kiddo did not work at science time.

Separate in text:
Kiddo just didnt want to work today. We all tried but we were just too "mean" to him. I know tomorrow will be better. The break was probably too long for him, or not long enough! lol

I just dont even know what to do or say. I asked him to just try. I always tell him to please just try. I ask him all the time, just do your best! Even if its not right, it doesnt matter, that part we can work on. Always give it your best try... *tears* I am a very sad Mommy right now. I know its the first day back. But I just dont understand where things go wrong in the day.

Frustration on a Personal Level

I have been struggling recently. I absolutely love my kid. How could I not? I birthed him (the easy way... so!?) I stayed up with him all those nights, still do sometimes. A mothers love. But, lately, I dont like myself, or my kid. I know, *gasp*, "how dare you not like your kid?". Well lets see, I run interference with teachers, and school staff, I make sure kiddo his clothed and fed, in bed at 8:30, up for school by 6:30, backpack together with everything in it, signed, lunchbox filled. Clothes laid out, and dressed, tablet charged, breakfast on the table, to school on time with homework and reading done. On the weekends, hes an only child, and there arent any kids on our street, so its, "entertain me!!". Every five minutes, "Turn the tv on, change it to wii, i want to watch xxx show, I need batteries for this toy or that, Mom Im hungry, Mom did you know that this rock is shiny? Mom watch this (as he jumps a curb on his scooter for the 40th time), Can we take the dogs for a walk?" and then theres all the real noise..."NO I DONT WANT TO!, I'm hungry!!(you just ate 20 minutes ago) I DONT WANT THAT TO EAT!, You never do anything nice for me!!, YOUR RUDE!!! YOUR MEAN!!! I DONT WANNA GO TO THE STORE!!! IS THIS BLACK FRIDAY?!?! YOUR GOING TO TOO MANY STORES!!!


One such episode really set me off this weekend. We had our weekly shopping and running around we needed to do. Kiddo hates going to the store. So we stopped and ate lunch first. At 5 Guys. After that kiddo tells me he wants Orange Leaf... Please can he go there he hasnt been in a long time. So I figure ok, Ill take him. Got him a reasonable amount of Froyo, and a few toppings. It ended up being less than 4 bucks. Not bad. And he ate it all. So successful, and yaay i did something nice for kiddo, right?! UGH! I told him ok, now please let Mom and Dad do what we need to get done so we can go home. So, he asks how many stores we had to go to? "Sams Club, Walmart, and Petsmart". Then home. OK.


Get into SAMS and we are walking around looking at stuff, and kiddo is pushing the cart. He starts pushing his Dads buttons by pushing the cart and letting go of it and letting it roll down the isle. Dad tells him, "Kiddo, push the cart and don't let go of it". Kiddo makes a face at his Dad and then does it again. Dad asks nicely again, "Kiddo don't let go of the cart, push it." Kiddo rolls his eyes at his Dad and does it again. At this point Dad takes the cart, well tries to anyway and Kiddo is struggling and yelling NO at his Dad in the isle at SAMS, "NO Im pushing the cart!!! NO!!!" Dad gets the cart from him, and kiddo bursts into tears, rubbing his eyes 2 year old style.... So I take him to the car. And all the way hes saying, "DADDY IS MEAN TO ME!! HE IS RUDE!!" I told him no he was the rude one because he wasnt listening. And this child thought he did NOTHING WRONG. He refuses to say ok, yea I screwed up there. No its all Dads fault.


At this point I feel its a constant struggle. He doesnt want to take any responsibility when he does something wrong. He just wants to find blame elsewhere. It doesnt matter what it is, its NEVER his fault. Its always someone elses fault. Even something as simple as him knocking a drink over. If the dog was near, the dog did it, not him. Otherwise if the dog is not near, it was my fault.


I guess I am at my wits end, I want to do nice things for him, but everyone keeps saying I spoil him and that is what is wrong with him. I have heard I need to spank him more, take his privileges away more, and spank him more. *sigh*. And I guess Im sick of hearing that.I feel like we have tried all of the different "punishments" and spanking worked the least. He laughed at us... seriously!!"


Im worried that I am raising this child who has no empathy, no regard for anyone else. We pray at night for family and friends. I try to teach him about those in need, and those who are sick or less fortunate. He only cares about Number 1. I feel like a failure, seriously. I feel like I have failed that adorable little boy I gave birth to 8 years ago. I wish I knew how to fix this. Everyone has their own theories. I wish I was confident in any one way that would make things better. Its like he is a teen at 8. I cant even imagine what teenage years are going to be like.


Ok enough with the pity party... back to real life.

10/5/2015 A Nice Note From the Teacher

So we had a great weekend. And it started out with a really nice note home from Ms. Gen Ed teacher.



(Bad Mommy for not having a copy of the good stuff the teacher wrote!!) It stated that they were so proud of Kiddo that he has been having really good days. Lots of consistency and doing all of his work when requested. That he has been working on his personal writing project and has written 2 full pages and started on his 3rd. And that he has been very cooperative. Well Hallelujah! And way to go Kiddo!! Im so proud of him because i know how difficult all of that is for him. Way to go!!! Keep up the good work :). <3

9/24/2015 - Shenanigans at the school, AGAIN!

I have lost count of the days we have been in school now. I only know there are too many left, and I wish I could stop this ride and GET OFF! LOL

Note sent home from school today:

Did not get along with friends during group learning. He had a great day otherwise and completed all of his work. Kiddo also had some trouble getting along with a friend during lunch. Kiddo is complaining that the boy plays with the spit in his mouth and that grosses him out. Apparently Kiddo had problems with him yesterday too. Kiddo accused him of eating his chicken patty. The friend denied it. Kiddo smiled, then asked to get another one. We checked the cameras just in case and the boy did not eat it. After talking to the lunch monitor on duty about this we determined that it would be best to have them sit apart. The boy really wants to be Kiddos friend but it might not be meant to be. He did become upset and looked angry when the monitor asked what was wrong he grunted a few times. Came down to BMC for some calm time, Recuperated quietly, then went to specials (art, music, PE., ETC.). ~Ms. BMC Teacher.


Once we got home we asked Kiddo what happened he said that the friend had been chewing his food and a little of it got on the table and he started to gag. Kiddo has probably the worst GAG reflex I have ever seen EVER. And I have a bad gag reflex so that's saying something. But things that gross him out throw him straight into puke mode... stomach clicking, eyes watering, gagging. So I believe him. The chicken patty I make no excuses about. I don't know what he was pulling... hes a kid, and hes ALWAYS HUNGRY!!! Who knows... My response to them was this:


I wanted to send a note to explain about Kiddo today. Kiddo has a horrible gag reflex. I mean, I have a bad gag reflex, and Kiddos is far worse than anything I have ever seen. I have seen him actually gag and heard his stomach click and him almost get sick, so I know he’s not joking on that. He said that Friend was eating something and he was chewing whatever it was up and some of it got on the table, and he saw it and started to gag. I believe him on this. I have seen /heard it happen at other times.

I don’t know what the deal is with the chicken patty. I talked to him about it, and I talked to him about Friend as well. He said he does like Friend. He said Friend is nice to him. And he does want to be his friend. I don’t know if he was smiling because he remembered that he ate it and decided to ask for another anyway. He didn’t give me an answer and I wont make excuses. If he ever wants more food because he is still hungry, he can go get more food. We will pay for it, as long as its not seconds on dessert. As I have said before, he is ALWAYS hungry.

Thank you, Kiddos Mother


*SIGH*

**UPDATE**
response from Ms. BMC teacher from my email: He's so funny. He did not get in trouble today. When the lunch monitor, asked what was going on, Kiddo assumed he was in trouble. Didn't say a word, just got mad and grunted. She asked if he needed to go to bmc to cool down but refused. BMC helper went down there and then he willing came to bmc where he was immediately calm and told us that he was getting grossed out. I believed him, asked if he was ok and then sent him to rotation. He was fine. lunch monitor came to talk to me about it after school today so Mrs Special Ed teacher and Ms General Ed teacher are not aware of it at all.

About yesterday, we are just figuring he wanted another chicken patty but forgot to ask and said the other child had eaten his. We wanted to double check on the other boy to make sure he didn't eat it. The boy was scared and cried about being accused. Today the boy cried again because he really wants to be Connor's friend but Lunch monitor and I think it's best for them to sit apart for awhile.

I just wanted to let you know, not because he was in trouble, but because my goal is to help him socialize well and thought you could gain more insight so that I could help him more. Oh, by the way, he was allowed to get another chicken patty. He often goes for seconds, according to lunch monitor. Have a great night!